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It doesn't matter as much to the men but I think some women assume that this kind of success, that they value in men, is what men are going to value in them. And that's where some of the confusion arises.
I think men do that is to assume that what they value in women is what women are going to value and that and this could be one of these men are from Mars Women Are From Venus things where we're kind of talking past each other because we value different things in mates. But I do think that women value educational success and career success you know much more than men do.
But again I don't think it's that men dislike women who are smart and successful. It's just that men don't put a high priority on that. We just don't care either way. I do have a second theory and this one's a little bit more numbers based and why it is that smart and successful women perceive that men are scared off by them.
This is purely based on that. When you have a dating pool with a gender imbalance the way the math works is that the imbalance tends to get worse over time. Sometimes I liken it to the game musical chairs as you may recall in the first round of musical chairs only the slowpoke doesn't get a chair right.
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But in the last round of musical chairs you actually have a 50 percent chance of losing the game. In other words the longer you stay in the game the greater your chances are of losing. I kind of feel like the dating game plays out the same way as musical chairs. Imagine a dating pool that starts out with 40 women and 30 men. Well once half of those women get married, twenty of the women married 20 of the men.
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The ratio among the remaining singles becomes twenty women to ten men or 2 to 1. The ratio becomes 15 single women to five single men. So in other words the longer the woman holds out the worse the dating math becomes and I suspect that this is what's happening to a lot of smart and successful women particularly if they ended up putting romance on the back burner in their 20s and they're prioritising their career instead.
I'm certainly not judging anybody's life choices and I don't assume that everybody has to get married to her or needs to aspire to get married today. I definitely believe that marriage is not for everyone but for a woman who does want to get married. I do think that dating math is challenging if you decide to put off getting serious about dating until your 30s. I think they had moved from LA.
So is dating in smaller cities better, does big city living have an impact on the dating musical chairs game and gender skews? Women living in big cities tend to focus on their careers rather than dating in their 20s and early 30s, right? So this is not uniquely a big city phenomenon it is really an everywhere phenomenon. But your point about people prioritising careers, I just think it probably is more of a big city phenomenon although I guess you know when this comes up when I do dating events I'm always asking singles why is it that the people believe that being married is somehow going to sink their career.
Because what I remember about being single is being single is a lot of work. Actually it's much more work and much more of a time suck than being in a relationship and I've never totally understood the logic of why it is that people believe that you need to stay single in order to prioritise career.
Certainly having kids is a lot of work but being in a relationship without kids I actually think is easier in terms of the time commitment than being single.
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I just think a lot of work is involved with being single that you don't really face if you're in a relationship. And do you remember the scene right at the beginning where a little girl, may 4 or 5 is pushed in the sand pit by a boy? Her mum, brushes her off and tells her that he did it because he likes her. It feels like singles in our 30s and older are the tester kids for how future generations will date and partner up. I wanted to know whether Jon has spotted any trends or has predictions on how dating will evolve. This is more of a prediction than a trend.
I firmly believe that in the years to come. We're going to see more of what I call mixed collar dating or mixed collar relationships Mixed collar marriages. We mostly hear about blue collar which usually covers workers with and hourly salary and white collar, which is office workers and management.
I can tell you based on my e-mails and my Twitter messages that these guys have it just as hard as the educated women do. But there's no sympathy out there for them and I kind of feel that it's inevitable that more and more of those white collar women will find their way to the blue collar men and vice versa. I don't buy this idea that there's going to be a segment of the white collar female population that never gets married. And a segment of the blue collar population that never gets married.
My hope is that those two groups will find each other over time. And in fact you already see this some in the African-American community where the college gender gap is actually much wider among young African-Americans in the U. It's been 30 percent more women than men or more going back to the s. So part of my argument in Date-Onomics is that the African-American community is kind of the canary in the coal mine and the African-American community is ahead of the curve in terms of seeing how all this is going to play out in ways in the African-American community is that educated women are much more open minded than white women are when it comes to marrying and dating lesser educated men.
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Once you're interacting with people face to face. All this stuff becomes less important but I actually think that online dating has been problematic in this way because if you're just out at a party or a work event or a conference and you meet somebody face to face it's like you said whether or not that person went to college isn't so important whether you click with that person whether you have shared values shared interests.
That's what's going to be important than math for me.
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But because online dating involves some much what I called box checking it's like picking options on a new car every Bachi want from income, to education, to age, race, dog person or cat person and you can basically micro still like every characteristic you want. And I kind of feel like like all this box checking and is screening out a lot of people that you might have clicked with and I think a lot of the problem has to do with education because somebody who went to college almost instinctively check off the box for a college graduate that's all they know.
What happens online dating as you end up just searching out a person exactly like you. I mean I think all that box checking you're saying much more about yourself than the person you might click with. Jon was the only guest this week as Sophie and I will obviously be repping the single ladies in the debrief next week and I wanted to look more at the trends and numbers around dating. The desperate cat lady is a myth that is fading with every day that passes, people like to date but us women also like to be independent.