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It takes a little bit more brainpower to actually show interest in someone, rather than just flicking your thumb to the right. McLeod believes this will make it so that only people who are serious about finding someone will use the app. Whether many people will be willing to pay for it remains to be seen. And the majority of them expressed some level of frustration with the experience, regardless of which particular products they used.
It's possible dating app users are suffering from the oft-discussed paradox of choice. This is the idea that having more choices, while it may seem good… is actually bad. And when they do decide, they tend to be less satisfied with their choices, just thinking about all the sandwiches and girlfriends they could have had instead. The paralysis is real: According to a study of an unnamed dating app, 49 percent of people who message a match never receive a response.
And that's almost more important. But the sense of infinite possibility online has real-world effects. For example, Brian says that, while gay dating apps like Grindr have given gay men a safer and easier way to meet, it seems like gay bars have taken a hit as a result. Now, when you go out to the gay bars, people hardly ever talk to each other. The existence of the apps disincentivizes people from going for more high-stakes romantic opportunities. Heck, for that matter, you might not ask someone out in a bar, because the apps just feel easier. In the absence of clear norms, people just have to wing it.
Which does not bode well for a process that requires radical authenticity. Most people I spoke with reported getting some kind of rude or harassing messages, some more severe than others. There are some matches that immediately after the ice is broken ask me [about that].
The harassment is of course the fault of the people doing the harassing. The apps show people their options, connect them, and then the rest is up to them, for better or worse. It turns out, humans are hard. Humans are hard.
So dating is hard. And a common complaint about dating, app-facilitated or otherwise, is that people are just too busy to deal with it. I think it feels historically new.
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There's this sense of time being scarce. So you won't have to waste time. Dating sites and apps promise to save you time.
An actual date still takes pretty much the same amount of time that it always has, so where the apps cut corners is in the lead-up. A Tinder spokesperson told me in an email that while the app doesn't lessen the time it takes to build a relationship, it has "made the first step super easy—we get you in front of someone with an efficiency and ease that you couldn't before. Efficient dating is, in many ways, at odds with effective dating. Dating apps do not seem like an efficient way to produce relationships, at least no more so than traditional dating, and maybe less so, depending on who you ask.
They are an efficient way to move through your options. When you use a resource more efficiently, you ultimately use up more of it. This is a concept that the 19th century economist William Stanley Jevons came up with to talk about coal. The more efficiently coal could be used, the more demand there was for coal, and therefore people just used up more coal more quickly. This can happen with other resources as well—take food for example.
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As food has become cheaper and more convenient—more efficient to obtain—people have been eating more. On dating apps, the resource is people. You go through them just about as efficiently as possible, as fast as your little thumb can swipe, so you use up more romantic possibilities more quickly. The idea of putting yourself out there again and again and again.
This desire for efficiency plays out outside of the apps as well—if a first date is iffy, people may just not bother with a second—but the apps certainly facilitate it.
And not just swiping apps. Reading through profile after profile on OKCupid or the new Hinge amounts to the same thing.
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So you end up spending a little effort on a lot of people, and I think this is where the burnout comes from. We want to hear what you think about this article. Submit a letter to the editor or write to letters theatlantic. Skip to content. Positive: Punctuality, Quality, Responsiveness, Value. Jason was able to figure out my networking within a short period of time AND helped me set up a new Google assistant with a digital display. Now I have my schedule, music, security cameras and virtual assistant in one place all making my life just that much easier. Super important for a busy mom like me.
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